Purpose

“What was that promise you made to yourself when you were young and what are you doing about it now?”

I was posed with that question several days ago and that question has stuck ever since.  My answer was music. I love singing and I always wanted to share that gift.  The reality is I still sing, but in secret. My stage is my bathroom, the showers my percussion. Haha! Instead of singing in hiding why not share it with the rest of the Internet world? I should warn you, I like depressing and sappy songs. I sang this song, last year when I was heartbroken. I’m a lot better now. :)

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Diversity Warriors: Take Action To Change the World

Conference book

I came to Asheville, North Carolina as media guest for the Kellogg’s Foundations ‘America Healing’ conference, which focuses on racial equity. They paid for my transport and accommodations to experience and possibly cover the conference. I was a bit unsure about what to expect, even what to cover, if any at all. After all, I didn’t think it was right for me to highlight the conference, even if they paid for the accomodations, unless there was something worth sharing—something that inspired.

First of, I’ve been to several diversity conferences or workshops before and it usually goes like this: 1) diversity warriors chat about the issues and problems of race and diversity, but the people who should really listen and learn about diverse issues (mostly ignorant and racists ones) usually aren’t represented 2) We (a whole bunch of do-gooders and world changers) sit in the muck of our problems, discuss them until we’re blue in the face, but we don’t really come up with action plans. Solutions are tough, when racism and inequality (or any other world problem) continue in a cycle that don’t end.

Daniel Beaty performs “Emergency” play

What I got from the conference was the term “America Healing.” Sounds corny at first. Who came up with that wanky title? But as I met other activists, listened in on non-profit organizations speak, snuck into a ‘healing circle’ where people shared of themselves and their experiences, I realized that as a journalist of color I too, needed to be healed. I joined a group of activists and organizers in a healing circle and shared our stories of obstacles and empowerment.

Emil Hill chats with fellow journalists about objectivity

As minorities we all experienced our share of racial tension or inequality. As a woman of color, its a double whammy, not only must we deal with sexism, but racial inequality too.

I shared in past that I was a student at DePauw University in Indiana. At the diverse starved school, minorities made up only 10% of the student body. And my environment constantly reminded me that I was different. Sometimes I’d forget that I was Asian American that I was just a student, but someone else would point out that I was different. I remember a particular event when a professor would call me out in front of the class. I didn’t even raise my hand. But this professor wanted a minority perspective so as the only minority I was their representative. I took pride in the beginning, speaking, sharing my culture. But after awhile, it got annoying. A pinnacle racial moment was when the KKK threatened to march in our school grounds 2002. As a free speech believer– I felt everyone had the right to express themselves, regardless of my disagreements, but in that context I was terrified. The school administration even  called every minority in their rooms and told them to stay indoors. Eventually, the KKK’s right to march was not approved, but it already had its affect. While our school protected us and the majority of our school were supportive of diversity, it was a wake call for me. I felt like I was transformed in the 60′s. In that moment I knew that some parts of our world wasn’t ready to take on equality and change—that some people were O.K. with leaving things the way things they way they used to be, even if the past was frightening.

And so at DePauw, I eventually found my calling—telling diverse stories and sharing them as a journalist in hopes of making an impact somehow.

When I first started this blog ‘Frustrated Journalist’, I wanted to create a website dedicated to journaling my experience as a  journalist. It was supposed to be a diary of sorts about my experience–the good and bad. But I got lazy and didn’t really want to tell the bad parts of my struggles. Why? Because of my need to look good to others. I didn’t want to share stories of my failures, because I didn’t want others to know my failings. But now, through this conference I realized that we are all bigger than ourselves. That our struggles and our strength to overcome is what makes a difference.

Listening to everyone else’s experience recharged my motivation. I cannot discussed what was said in the ‘healing circle’  since individuals shared with the understanding of confidentiality. But I did meet amazing activists who were changing our communities through various works in immigration, women’s rights, voting rights, etc.

Outside the ‘healing circle’ I ran into a young man, probably in his late teens,early twenties who started an organization which brought after school math literacy to underserved schools. His name was Albert Sykes from The Young People’s Project. I also met Rinku Sen and her organization Applied Research  Center who pushed to ban the racial slur term “illegal” when describing undocumented immigrants. Her organization helped shape Associated Press’s  updated stylebook which dropped the “I” word.

All of these amazing activists were fighting a cause much bigger than themselves. And I too am now inspired to do the same. I am even more motivated to tell stories outside the mainstream media. I’d like to share stories of triumph and real stories about diversity warriors who despite their surroundings still try to make a difference.

I hope to highlight some of those inspiring stories and feature other Frustrated Journalists impacting the world.

For more on Kellogg’s Initiative ‘Healing America’:  http://www.wkkf.org/what-we-support/racial-equity/america-healing.aspx

 

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Runners kinship. NYC support Boston Victims

After Boston Marathon Bombing, runners from everywhere, especially New York are supporting in numbers.

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Watch out tourists! Buying fake bags can land you in jail.

LIVE on EBRUTV news

Tourist flock to NYC’s Chinatown for the counterfeit bags. It’s already illegal to sell them, but now it may be illegal to buy them if Councilwoman Maragaret Chin’s bill passes. Buyers will get $1,000 fine and up to 1 year in prison. Aired on EbruTV News April 10, 2013

Despite the quick turn around, I got a chance to work with fellow cameraman Omer. We took to the Chinatown streets and managed to talk to someone who was willing to sell us several fake bags. What you don’t see on camera are the drawers inside shops. This particular seller would hide the fakes from cops, because its illegal to sell and display it publicly.

Working with Omer opened my eyes to how easy it is to focus on a story. Usually I’m running around by myself camera in hand. By the time, I work on the story and edit, I’m quite beat and exhausted. Work in teams make all the difference. Also—it allowed me to focus on the live shot. I was quite nervous but I think I did a good job. What did you think? Any thoughts?

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Back for more… postings!!!

Tada. I’m blogging again today! Oh yeah baby. Currently, I am shopping around for new blog templates. So you’ll notice the overall design will change from day to day. Some of the links may not even work. Until I find the right template, you’ll have to put up with that. heheheh. In the meantime, why not blog anyways just for the hell of it? I wonder if anyone else is reading this? Either way, I’m finding comfort in writing this; its kinda like a diary of sorts. I can get a lot of things off of my chest, maybe even vent a little and no one will interrupt me. hah!

Today’s writing is about “living a life you love and living it powerfully.” That quote is from the Landmark Forum. I attended my 6th Landmark Forum graduation session the other day. My good friend Joel Stephen recently took it and I’m so might proud of him and my other close friends and family who have done it as well. As a graduate, from 6 years ago, let me tell you its one of the most exciting journey you can take. It can truly help you explore your life and set it off to live your dream. The most crucial part of the course is about living your life with integrity. Sounds easy, but its a lot harder than you think. To this day, I still continue to struggle with it.

Remember when we were kids, when we said whatever came to mind, when we didn’t care what others thought. Or if you don’t remember, observe children and hear them talk. They will tell you exactly what they think with no concern or filters. Blatant truth. As we grow older we become concerned with how others perceive us. The need to look good, save face becomes important. We are so concerned with the way others perceive us that we sometimes don’t say what’s really on our minds. We don’t show our vulnerabilities, because it makes us look weak, makes us look bad. Overall, by not being honest, we put all these filters in our lives and stop ourselves from being truly ourselves.

For me, I consider my self Miss Independent, a woman who can stand completely on her own whether in heels or in combat boots. I am a fighter, strong. So admitting I needed help, was something that was difficult. It still is. But sometimes, you just need to put aside pride, fear, and the need to look good. Last year, I wasn’t making that much as a freelancer. I was living paycheck to paycheck and I wanted to desperately to own a camera to add to my arsenal. I knew what kind I wanted, but I couldn’t afford it. It wasn’t until I finally ask for some help and broadcast my needs did people help.

As my dad always says, we are only fooling ourselves if we think we can do things all by ourselves.

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Laziness

Yes. I admit. I’ve been quite lazy. It seems every time I write on this blog the subject is about me taking months if not a year to post. Why is that? For me the biggest stumbling block is perfection and also laziness. Combine both and you get the result, a sad attempt at blogging.

But somehow, I managed to scrape myself off the floor and find the keys on my keyboard to start typing, like today. Truth is, the only thing stopping myself from blogging or anything else is myself. Isn’t it interesting that usually its ourselves that stops us from attaining whatever dream we have. It’s often easy to blame it on other things. My excuse, the visual theme is not perfect. It’s not exactly what I was hoping for. So instead of just finding something that works for now. I just stopped altogether. And then I pick it up months later. I know I’m just writing about wordpress, but I’m using it as an example in a lot of things in my life. Sometimes I wait for the perfect moment to get something done. I need to wait to make enough money so I can splurge on brand new equipment that will help me to become a better video journalist.

“Nah–uh honey,” says the tiny voice in my head. Sometimes… I just need a swift kick on the rear end to just get things moving and stay in action. That swift kick is that jolt of motivation. But sometimes its the art of juggling time to make it happen. I’ve been so busy with work, expanding my clientele, volunteering with a non-profit organization, and living life that time becomes so precious, so limited.

Who knows if I’m ever going to write in this blog again. Maybe it will collect cob-webs. Get it cobwebs from the web? Hah! Who knows if anyone even reads this blog? Maybe I’m just wasting time just writing this out for no one to see…

One thing is for sure, I do want to share my lessons and journey as a one woman band, a video journalist, in New York. Maybe it can inspire others as well. Maybe that will be my motivation.

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Finally a breath of fresh air

After over a year of not blogging… I’m back! You can say I got a tad busy with work, I now juggle various freelancing gigs as video journalist. But the honest truth is I completely loss my password to this stupid wordpress! I nearly pulled chunks of hair out and spent several hours, days, just trying to get in…. It’s a long, long complicated story. I almost gave up and threw in the towel. If not for the Manly-Man (www.themanly-man.com) I would have lost this site all together—not to mention be an already frustrated, frustrated journalist. Hah! So a big fat thank you to the Man!

So what’s new?
I’ve been busy, shooting, writing, reporting and yes living the dream. I’ve got a little more fire this year and tons more experience. I hope to share it with you all along with producing original pieces as the Frustrated Journalist! Here’s a little something I shot last week, at the NYC Filipino Day Parade.

Mighty proud of how this piece turned out… Now that I’m back, more stories to come! :)

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Be Seen, Be Heard.

**Dedicated to my folks! **
I’ve created almost 30 videos for the New York Post website, but sadly my parents have only seen 2-3 of my videos. They are web saavy. My mom has the iphone, my dad uses Google Cal, but for some odd reason, they have trouble locating my pieces online.

Not to fret, Ma and Pa. I’ve created an archival place of the videos I’ve done for the NYPost so far, Just click on this link: www.mcatsandoval.com/NYPOST.html

Now you have a one stop shop to view my pieces. I will try to update it as often as I can, or update this blog…

While this blog post is dedicated to my parents, for all the journos/job seekers out there it is still important to get your works out so perspective employees and hiring companies can see what you are doing. Post your stuff online, link to it and make it easy for the general public to find you. I mean, if you’re like me and your parents can’t find you, then no one can find you.

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When a Journalist Becomes a Paparazzi

A couple of days ago I was sent by the New York Post to shoot Robert De Niro walking out of the Manhattan Supreme Court. The tough actor De Niro was the star witness and a larceny victim.

I waited for hours, with two other videographers from another news organization and a handful of photographers. It was the calm before the storm, all of us itching to get just one shot, one pan of De Niro’s face.

I overheard this from one of the photogs.

“You know we’re still journalists, right? We’re a far cry from the Paparazzi”

I had to chuckle. We’re we any different from the infamous paparazzi? I mean here we were waiting for a superstar to show up, just so we can get a clip for our news that day.

Let me describe the scene. There were less than 10 of us all from news medium, no TMZ or Inside Edition. We were barricaded from the entrance by blue wooden frames. It was a visual stopper in case someone got over excited and wanted a real life close up shot and smell of De Niro.

Being the shortest and smallest, I thought I had to muscle my way through, or get stuck shooting feet shots of De Niro. Surprisingly, the other journalists were nice and one even saved me spot. It felt like a community, everyone needed a shot, and everyone made sure they were out of each other’s way. It wasn’t cutthroat.

De Niro had to eventually walk out the door. Did I get the shot? We’ll you’ll have to check it out…

The experience in this shoot was completely different from the Kelsey Grammer wedding news piece I shot last month. Faced with a lot more photographers and the real deal paparazzi–it was an adrenaline rush experience. Think 100 sharks and one body to feast on moment. And yes we the media were the sharks, and unfortunately, I was one of the baby sharks. I wish I could show you the raw footage with a full shot of the photogs rushing towards the actor, almost attacking the newly weds. You can hear me say on tape “this is crazy, just crazy” as I walk away from the madness. It wasn’t necessary for me to bum rush the newlyweds, but I had to move, otherwise the photogs behind me would have flattened me. I should just label this news piece “When the Paparazzi Attack.”

The paparazzi field is a different beast: competitive, cutthroat, and no regard for privacy. But in hanging out with them, even just briefly, I can understand why they do what they do. The thrill and the high you get after capturing a shot is amazing. While you can barely see Grammer in my video, I’m kinda proud that I was there and kept my distance. I am still a journalist, NOT a paparazzo, but sometimes the lines can be blurred.

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Practice Your Craft.

A theory suggests that if you practice 10,000 hours in any field you will master it. Like an athlete prepping for a big game or a warrior for battle, the more prepared you are the better your chances.
So children, wipe off those cobwebs, oil that machinery, and lets get ready to practice away!

Still need more motivation? Revisit your past. Sometimes when you’ve seen how far you’ve gone it will only inspire you to keep on moving.

Here’s an old fashion piece I’ve created for Brooklyn Independent TV (BCAT) December 2008. It was right when the recession hit and people wanted to look fashionable without breaking the bank, so I thought I would do a story on consignment stores.

 

STATS
created: December 2008
role: research, reported, and edited
time edited: a week and a half

 

I remember being so nervous for this piece. This was one of my earlier on air pieces and I was interviewing a former model and store owner, Alison Houtte. Alison was so comfortable on camera and I was very jittery. Although you couldn’t see it, my insides were bubbling, but I loved the thrill and excitement of it all. It took a week and a half to edit this piece on final cut. And now, even after watching the video I can hear and see things I could fix. The audio is a bit off in some places, louder in some parts and really soft in others. The cuts move very slow, somewhat dragging.

 

Compare that to my more recent video from the New York Post.

 
STATS

created: October 2010
role: reported, shot, and edited
time edited: a day

 

After a couple of years, I improved. This piece moves with great pacing–I finally got a chance to test my shooting skills and even edit faster. It took me a day to do this piece. Although the piece is not without its errors (Unfocused shot of me at the very end), I’m still really happy with it, because I had gotten a chance to shoot the whole piece by myself The piece is funny and entertaining and to top it all off, it was a blast to produce! The Huffington Post even picked it up and called me an intrepid journalist! (Nothing like a solid shoot out!) Click on the article below and you’ll see :)

 

Comparing my old piece with a new one just showed me how much I’ve improved and how much further I need to go. Where the future lies who knows, but at least for me, I know I’m getting better. So get off that lazy chair and sweat, baby! Whatever your passion, practice.

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